Don't Leave
by sayrahsunshine
Summary: No matter the highs in Joe's life, everybody still has lows. His happen to be lower than most. But at least he has her. (Joe Sugg x OC) (TRIGGER WARNING: Depression & suicidal ideation. Please read with care.)


**A/N:** This fic touches on depression and suicidal ideation. If this is a trigger for you, it's best you don't read. If you decide to read anyway, please read with care.

If you are going through anything similar or worse, please reach out.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

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 **A/N:** This fic had been edited to change this from a reader insert imagine to a regular JoexOC pairing fic. Una is pronounced OO-nah.

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The rain pelted him in the face. The droplets sliding down his cheeks gathered at his chin, falling as his tears added to the weight. He sunk deeper into the cushions of his balcony bench, not caring that they were more like soaked sponges at this point. His fingers dug into his thighs. His jaw clenched tight. He shivered from the wet cold, slowly seeping into his bones.

He was pathetic. Honestly, how melodramatic could one be to sit out in the cold November rain in their pajamas. He knew he was being ridiculous.

But, it numbed him. And, he needed it. More than he would ever openly admit to anybody. Well, except her.

"Joe?"

He heard her distant voice come from inside of his flat. The loud click of the front door followed her. He had just gotten to a point where he could barely feel his limbs. He couldn't be bothered to move.

Una's footsteps were slow and steady at first. Then a pause. She called his name again, this time her tone was laced with worry. He heard her footsteps again, closer, faster, more urgent.

The balcony door swished open, bouncing off the rubber stopper. He could smell her perfume. He could feel her panic. Though, he couldn't find it within himself to look at her.

"Joe?!" He jumped as her too warm arms pulled him into a tight embrace. "Jesus, you're like ice."

He couldn't help but gasp when she pulled him up to stand, his knees buckling. He couldn't feel his legs.

"It's okay," Una slung his arm around her shoulders, her arm wrapped tonight around his middle. "I've got you."

She dragged him to his bedroom and sat him down.

"How long were you out there?" she asked, focused as she tugged the covers off his bed.

"I d-d-don't know," his teeth chattered. "Not t-too long."

Una threw the thick duvet around him before rubbing his arms vigorously.

"You're shivering, that's good."

"Is it?" His soft chuckle was cut off as his body quaked aggressively.

"You need to take off your pants. They're wet."

"T-t-trying to get me n-naked, ey?"

Una shot him a look that wiped his shaky smirk from his face as quickly as it appeared.

"Do you want hypothermia?"

Joe shook his head slightly, peeling off his soaked clothing under the blanket. She took them and threw them to the side.

"Lay down."

He did as he was told, laying on his side, his knees curling up to his chest. Una climbed onto the bed behind him, wrapping her body around his.

"It's like I'm holding a marshmallow."

Joe chuckled, silently grateful that his shivering was lessening, "First time I've heard that one."

They laid there in silence, their breathing in sync, their thoughts to themselves.

Slowly but surely, his shivers ceased.

"I think I can feel my toes again," Joe murmured, flexing and shifting his limbs.

Una hummed in response, her arms still tucked around him tight.

Another moment of silence, then…

"Why were you out there, Joe?"

He closed his eyes, exhaling out of his nose. He should have known she would ask eventually.

"I didn't want to feel."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Una sighed, burying her face into Joe's shoulder.

"Yes, you do."

His breath hitched as the static lump from earlier crept back into his chest.

 _Pathetic._

His hands clenched into fists.

 _Weak._

His feet tapped.

 _Waste of fucking space._

Joe let out a short sob, before snapping his mouth shut, willing the oncoming tears to go away.

"Oh, Joe…" Una sat up, gently pushing him to lay on his back so he could look at her. "I'm right here, sweetheart."

"I'm sorry," he said, hating himself for the way his voice shook. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Talk to me."

"I want…" he stared into bright eyes, full of concern. Why did she care about him so much? He was nothing. "I just want to be happy."

Una's frown deepened. Her fingers gingerly swept a strand of hair from his face.

"But, sometimes I think it'd be better if I wasn't here at all," he said. "Sometimes… I don't want to be."

Joe watched as her eyes filled with unshed tears at his words. Her breathing catching every so often. Her fingers still brushing through his fine hair.

This hadn't been the first time they had had this conversation. In fact, it had been one of many instances where Una had to pull Joe out of his spiral downward. Yet, every time, she was so patient with him, so kind. It fascinated him how she maneuvered his bouts of hopelessness and fatalistic ideation. He could barely do it himself.

But, this time was different.

Una was unbelievably tense, he could tell just looking at her. Her movements were jumpy. Her breathing unsteady.

 _Maybe you've finally pushed her too far, Joe. Look at what you've done._

"I'm sorry. I know I'm a burden. I'm pathetic," her eyes snapped to him. "You don't have to be here, I don't want to-"

"No."

"What?"

"I said **no**." The tears flowed freely down her cheeks now. "You are not a burden. You are not pathetic." The rims around her eyes were red, her gaze intense. "You're important and you're strong and you're loved."

"I want to be here, Joe. I would never leave you alone." Her voice cracked, a sob of her own escaping her lips. "So, _please_ don't leave **me**."

Joe's mouth dropped open a fraction, his eyes wide. Automatically, he sat up, his hand reaching out for hers, holding on tight.

"My life is beautiful because you're in it," she cried. "You are my favorite part of every day, of every memory, of every thought."

She laid her hand on his cheek, instinctively he pushed into her touch. "I want you to live, and I want you to live for you. But if you can't right now, please, at the very least, try to live for me."

Silent sobs began to shake his body, tears spilling on to Una's hand. He pulled her into his chest, their cries echoing through the room and each other. The patter of rain on the windows turning to white noise in the silence.

"I love you, Joe."

"I love you, too, Una," his words muffled against her neck. "I'll try. I promise I'll try."


End file.
